Thursday, December 21, 2006

Night of the Crazy Teen


Who needs to go on a roller coaster ride when they live with a teenager. Usually when I write my blogs, I think about what may help my readers. However, I admit that I'm writing this one so that I don't spontaneously combust after having another head to head encounter with my teenager.
I know I'm not the only one at this moment and time in this universe who is inches away from taking an argument into a tailspin of no return so I'm taking a breather to review what my intellect should know, but what my emotions won't allow me to do.
Here are some helpful reminders from the very sensible Public Health Agency of Canada.
  • --It is important for parents to see the instability in the teen's behavior as part of the teen's development in separating from his or her parents. In other words, it's normal.
  • --The last thing an out-of-control teen needs is an out-of-control parent. Parents should ask themselves "How do I behave when I'm angry at my teen? Would I want my teen to imitate me?"
  • --Teens are out of balance at the same time as their parents are struggling with their own mid-life pressures, not to mention the holiday stresses.
  • --We need to help our teens control their anger and express it safely especially their anger at parents. Remember that feelings like helplessness, hurt, frustration, confusion and guilt are often expressed as anger. Does the teen have a safe way of expressing his anger safely? He can stomp off to his room, pound the pillow, but not yell or hit
  • --Remember to listen to the teen twice as long as you talk.
There are more tips to read but this gives us the idea. There are some suggested readings : Fleming, Don. How to Stop the Battle with Your Teenager. Toronto: Prentice-Hall Press, 1989, and Patterson, Gerald and Marion Forgatch. Parents and Adolescents Living Together: Part I. Eugene, OR. Castalia Publishing Co, 1987.
These may seem outdated at first glance but clearly the tortured teenage dilemma is time-less.
Photo: courtesy of add-um-g. Please note these teenagers are innocent bystanders to my post.

9 comments:

GiftBasketStore.com said...

Dr. Razavi,

Speaking from experience as a former teen that give his mom a little piece of hell myself. Teenagers are at a place where they are like flowers fighting for their chance to shine in the sun, but not completely sure as to how or why they would want that in the first palce. Sound confusing, then you now understand your basic teen. I was once there, but now I have become a much less confused adult that appreciates his mom and will even kiss her on the cheek in public every now and then. So don't give up on them yet, just keep the best stories to tell them children. Then, it's payback time.

Kevin
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David McCabe said...

I'm not so sure it's timeless. I am not a historian, but I have never read about crazy teenagers earlier than the 20th century. Are you sure your kid isn't acting crazy because the system he was born into has made his life so far devoid of purpose and meaning?

Wesley said...

Dr. Razavi,

As a mentor to teen boys I can attest to the craziness of the average teen. I have been introduced recently to a really amazing group based in San Diego doing work with teenage boys. It's called Boys To Men and uses a weekend retreat format and ongoing mentoring to offer teen boys positive male role models and the support that they need.

Boys To Men Mentoring

I highly recommend this for all teen boys who are starting to feel that common teen angst around age 14 or 15.

Wesley
Work From Home Resources

Marilyn said...

Dr. Razavi,
One day I was walking the beach and I climbed up these 242 steps heading home. At the top of the steps was a very excited big black lab and it's owner slowly walking behind it. The dog would run to the top of the stairs whinning and turn and run back to it's owner. Over and over again. Just so happy! I was happy watching the dog. I walked by the owner and said, "he is so excited" and the guy said, "yea! like he hasn't done this before." We walked a couple steps more and I turned around to him and said, "isn't that how we are suppose to live our lives? Like we haven't done it before?" That moment got me thinking and I wonder as parents if sometimes we take the excitement away from our kids by not living life in the moment. What would it take to raise kids who are living life in the moment..? What would it say about you and me? Something to think about. Blessings Marilyn
Women's Business Resources

Anonymous said...

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